you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
