i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
