just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
