Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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