I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
