I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
