my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
