i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
