fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize