who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want you more than these girls want KFC
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
