If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Randomize
