What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize