So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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