I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
