i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The ass gains better be worth it
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