The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
