Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
