i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
