I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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