DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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