i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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