I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
