i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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