We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
