Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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