Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
