I am in a vortex of obligation.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
