i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
