our cab driver is having phone sex.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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