there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
