i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
