After last night, I could never be a politician.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
