I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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