Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
