The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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