I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it's like iHOP with fire
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
