Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
