god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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