I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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