just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
