How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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