everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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