you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
