I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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