not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
