i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
