Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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