the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
