i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
and you fell through a lawn chair
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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