Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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