Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Houston, we have a blender
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
