my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All I want is dick and wine.
as a side note pls kill me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
