I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
