Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
