I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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