duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am naked and annoyed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
