So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
