Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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