apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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