Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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