shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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