How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
