census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
